Trauma is felt within the body and often very deeply within our nervous systems. But many of us have very little understanding of our autonomic nervous system and don’t give it much thought. Once you understand this intricate part of your body it can foster a deeper sense of self-compassion and knowledge. You develop the understanding that your body is doing everything it can to protect you and keep you safe.
Befriending your nervous system takes time and new awareness. Understanding what each state looks and feels like, for you personally, can help you to manage better and work with your body as it shifts through these states. Polyvagal theory explains how a person’s nervous system moves through a cycle of different states within the body.
The autonomic nervous system has two main parts; Parasympathetic and Sympathetic. For me I remember the difference between the two as Peace starts with P and so does Parasympathetic. Stress starts with S and so does Sympathetic. The Parasympathetic branch is your rest and digest state whereas the Sympathetic state is your fight, flight, freeze and stress response. We need both of these states for survival so it’s important to not look at one as good or bad. A healthy nervous system will fluctuate between these states easily and a struggling nervous system is more likely to get stuck within a state for a longer period of time.
Someone who is stuck in a Sympathetic state may be highly anxious and live in a constant world of hypervigilance, always worrying about what the future will bring and what threats and dangers are lurking nearby. There is a persistent feeling of overwhelm and feelings of irritation and anger are a part of Sympathetic activation. This state is adopted in service of protection and is known as hyper-arousal.
When a person is stuck in a deep parasympathetic state this is known as a dorsal state. This is when someone may feel depressed and act as if their body is shutting down. There is a sense of numbness and an inability to engage with others. People in this state disconnect from those around them and often feel alone and full of despair. This deep dorsal state is known as hypo-arousal.
The optimal place for our nervous system to be is known as the Ventral State. This state is also a part of the Parasympathetic branch of the nervous system. In a Ventral state, a person feels safe, engages with others is connected to self and feels at ease.
It’s important to note that there is fluctuation in how each person’s nervous system responds. Many people are able to function quite well in sympathetic states and even dorsal states. Sometimes a person may appear “fine” at work but then fall into sympathetic or dorsal activation at home.
Trauma can dislodge our nervous systems from a ventral state and in service of protection our bodies may get stuck or fluctuate in a sympathetic or dorsal state. This really and truly is an amazing thing that our bodies do and it is also seen in animals. Think about a deer in the headlights, a possum that plays dead or an animal that attacks when it senses danger. They are responding based on instincts within their nervous systems. As humans, we are very similar.
Befriending Your Nervous System
Befriending your nervous system requires an approach that is filled with curiosity, wonder and compassion, never shame and judgment. Remind yourself that your body is responding in the best way that it knows how to protect you. As our bodies enter each state within the nervous system we create stories that accompany the feelings we are experiencing. In the words of Deb Dana, a clinician and consultant who specializes in polyvagal theory; “states create stories”. This means that depending on where our nervous system is sitting we will create a story based on our emotions, thoughts, responses and sensations that we are feeling within our bodies.
Here are some examples of story states;
Ventral: The world is mine to explore, I belong and am a contributing member with valuable things to share. I feel connected and engaged with others and myself.
Sympathetic: The world is against me, I need to protect myself and I don’t trust anyone so I will do it all myself. I feel overwhelmed and full of chaos. I live in a constant state of go go go.
Dorsal: The world is not a safe place. I need to hide in order to protect myself. I feel numb and I want to give up.
Noticing and naming your story state is the first step. We can’t change what we haven’t even acknowledged yet. Take time to name the state that your nervous system is in and then identify what feelings and emotions are happening within you. Linda Thai states that “Story can reinforce the nervous system state”. So the story that we have created as a result of our nervous system activation can help to keep us stuck within it.
Ask yourself; “If I could create another story what would it be?” This is a strategy I used when I was physically sick with a debilitating autoimmune disorder. I was stuck in a dorsal state and had shut myself off from the world. I was continually talking about how sick I was and how I’d given up. In service of protection, I stopped engaging with people and didn’t want to leave the house, or sometimes my bed.
My story supported my dorsal state. I created a new story with visuals around my room. They were stories of connection and engaging with the world in a ventral state. I created visuals with mantras such as “Amy you are healthy.” “ Amy you will tell your story of survival” “Amy you are confident and safe” I woke up to see these every morning and it reinforced my shifts towards ventral activation.
Get Curious
Once you’ve identified your nervous system state, begin to explore and get curious. What do you need at this moment to feel safe? What will help you to get closer to a ventral state? Who can support you?
When we ask questions with compassion we are better able to shift our states. Get curious about who can support you. We co-regulate with the people and animals in our lives. So healthy co-regulation can be a great way to calm your nervous system. Sitting with a cat purring in your lap or cuddling with a puppy are great ways to self-soothe and bring us closer to ventral activation. Or perhaps having tea with a friend or talking to a compassionate close companion on the phone can help bring you closer to a ventral state.
It’s also important to question how you can support yourself. It is empowering to identify and know what feels safe for you. It could be something as simple as the clothes you wear. Some clothes make us feel more comfortable or more confident. When I was spending my days in PJs I didn’t feel so good and I supported my dorsal state.
Stepping into a ventral state will feel uncomfortable for those who have been in a sympathetic or dorsal state for a long time. Take things slow and steady and know that with each step you will begin to feel more comfortable easing into the safe and engaged state of Ventral. Trauma recovery and nervous system shifts take time, be gentle with yourself.
With Gratitude,
Amy
*Disclaimer All coaching services and communication, email or otherwise, delivered by Aim True Coaching as well as the information set forth are meant to help you identify the areas and beliefs that may be standing in your way. However, coaching is not professional mental health care or medical care. This content is for informational purposes only, and should not be taken as professional medical advice.
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