Cultivating Discernment
Discernment is defined as "the ability to judge well". It is a skill that allows us to navigate through our daily choices and relationships. The stronger we become at discerning the more clarity we bring to our lives. Unfortunately, trauma often disrupts our ability to judge ourselves, others and situations well. Many trauma survivors have difficulty distinguishing between red flags and healthy relationships. What others may see clearly, survivors often do not. This is usually because trauma inflicted at the hands of another person often involves some form of manipulation. We are conditioned into believing that what we experience is normal and that we can't trust ourselves to distinguish between right and wrong. As a result of this inability to trust ourselves, we begin to learn to self-regulate based on those around us. We take cues from others and respond based on what we think is expected or acceptable. In doing this we slowly let go of our power to discern. We are no longer judging based on our own needs and wants but rather for those around us. So often trauma survivors have learned to blend in and be chameleon-like in order to survive. They've adopted ways to camouflage and act like everyone else. Discernment is understanding that something that aligns with someone else does not have to resonate with you. We are allowed to co-exist and have different beliefs and perceptions. Building discernment is part of trauma recovery, it is a skill that needs to be developed. Here are some ways to strengthen your judgment skills. 1) Listen to your body Our bodies really do keep the score and often our energy will tell us that something doesn't align long before we understand it in our minds. The lack of clarity about our physical responses arises because trauma can also appear somatically. It's important to get curious about our physiological responses and ask if this is a trauma response pattern or something else. Our need to fight, flee, fawn or fear may be an old pattern adopted in service of survival. Take time to explore and question your responses and be compassionate about your discoveries. Discernment is developed through curiosity. 2) Understand your emotions Trauma can certainly disrupt our emotional responses. You may find yourself quick to anger or sadness or unable to experience joy. It's important to develop an understanding of what your emotions mean. Ask yourself, Am I really angry/sad at what is happening right now or is this a trigger from an old experience? Healing is about understanding and discerning the difference between an emotion in the here and now and a response from the past. 3) Check your circle Trauma survivors can be easily influenced by others. We all have different perspectives and it's important you recognize your own as well as those of others. A positive circle will hold a safe space for your opinions and allow you to reach your own conclusions, even if they are different from theirs. Learning to appease is often adopted as a coping strategy. Be self-reflective about who has access to your energy and if they are allowing you to be your best self or if you are changing to fit into their ideal. Your circle should build you up and empower you. If you feel drained, unheard or invisible it's important to reflect on why you continue to stay in this group. Discernment involves doing what feels right for you and that includes surrounding yourself with people that build you up and allow you to embrace your authenticity. 4) Understand the 2 types of Judgement You can judge to condemn or you can judge to evaluate. Condemning is often done from the viewpoint that your idea is better than someone else's. You may form a negative opinion about others while placing yourself in a self-righteous position. Evaluation on the other hand is looking at things from a critical thinking lens and assessing if something is right for you based on your own needs and wants. It allows you to decide what works for you based on your own experiences and perceptions. Evaluation is flexing your ability to self-empower yourself. 5) Take your time There is no need to be impulsive. Good decisions are made when you are self-reflective and think about what matters to you. Be curious, compassionate and gentle with yourself as you take time to ponder what it is you want. Discernment is a powerful skill that needs to be conditioned much like the muscles in our bodies. When you've spent a lifetime avoiding decisions or making them for others it takes time to flex the power within you to make choices that align with your needs and wants. If you would like some guidance in strengthening your own discernment please feel free to reach out. Together we can explore ways to develop your ability to discern and choose what works for you. With Gratitude, Amy *Disclaimer All coaching services and communication, email or otherwise, delivered by Aim True Coaching as well as the information set forth are meant to help you identify the areas and beliefs that may be standing in your way. However, coaching is not professional mental health care or medical care. This content is for informational purposes only, and should not be taken as professional medical advice. Copyright © 2022 Aim True Coaching, All rights reserved.
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