Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not a feeling or an emotion it's a choice. It is something that you consciously choose to do. You may ask yourself why or how you could forgive some people, as the things they've done are monstrous. I am not saying forgiveness is always easy. I've had to offer forgiveness for some pretty awful things in my life. But if you don't offer forgiveness you are holding onto all the feelings associated with that person and the events that hurt you.

When I was young I was hurt by a trusted adult, for years I held onto hatred, shame, guilt and resentment. I couldn't let those things go, they followed me around like a dark cloud. They affected my daily life. I was not truly happy because I was weighed down with unnecessary baggage. I was allowing what happened to me to define.

Don't allow what hurt you to define you, allow what healed you to define you. The only person you are hurting by not offering forgiveness is yourself. When you open yourself up to forgiving and releasing those feelings of resentment, anger, and revenge, you create room for the life changing things that can help you heal like love, kindness, compassion and authenticity.

The more resistance you give to forgiveness the more power you are giving to those that hurt you. The longer you hold onto to those negative the feelings the tighter their grip on you becomes. Forgiveness does not mean you forget what happened, or diminish your experience or necessarily accept that person back into your life. It means you let go of the feelings that are holding you back. Forgiveness does not mean you need to understand what happened or why the person made the choice they did. The reasons for someone's actions don't really matter, what really matters is how not forgiving that person is limiting you and holding you back.

What are the benefits to forgiveness you may ask?

-A sense of freedom can be gained by letting go and not holding onto to those negative emotions.

-You'll have healthier relationships because those emotions are no longer clouding your mind.

-It can improve your overall health, holding onto resentment and anger builds up stress in your body and stress can negatively impact your health.

-Choose peace over chaos, holding on to negative energy creates chaos in your life, let go and feel more peaceful.

-When you forgive and release the negative feelings, you open yourself up to positive emotions like love, compassion and kindness.

Forgiveness can be a beautiful thing but it is not something that always comes easily. It needs to be done with intention and a willingness to let go. It is not simply saying I forgive you and still holding a grudge. It means letting it all go.

Some tips for offering forgiveness,

-You need to be ready to forgive, it doesn't just happen overnight, there may be a lot of emotions to process first before you can forgive someone.

-It needs to be genuine, it is not just words, it's living that forgiveness.

-Forgiveness needs to come from the heart and you need to believe that you are willing to let go.

-Forgiving is for you, when you offer forgiveness you don't always have to speak your words directly to the person that hurt you. You can give forgiveness to them on your own because it's about you and your needs not theirs.

-The decision to forgive needs to be your own, no one else should be telling you to forgive someone for something they did to you. Take ownership for your decision to forgive.

-Offering forgiveness to another person involves empathy and compassion. You may not understand what they did but knowing that perhaps they were hurt at one time as well can give you a new perspective. Forgiveness isn't saying what they did was right. Hurt people hurt others, healed people do not. When you heal and forgive you break the cycle.

Forgiveness is a choice that sets you free and fills you up with love, understanding and peace. Do it when it feels right for you and when you know you are ready to let go of all the negative emotions that are attached to your experience. Your list of those that need forgiving may be long or short but the benefits will be long lived as you embrace your life with new found freedom and perspective.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

(Lewis B. Smedes)