I was recently asked, "Is the word trauma overused in today’s world? I am glad that I was asked this question as I feel it has sparked a lot of thoughts and wonderings within me.
My first question is, “Is the word trauma overused or was it underused in the past?” I wonder if many things that were previously thought to be something else were a response to trauma. I think about the countless women who were labelled with hysteria and question if perhaps instead they were in abusive relationships or had endured trauma that they were unable to identify as such or understand.
As I reflect upon my journey and think about all of the signs and symptoms of trauma that I exhibited, sadly, they went unnoticed by the adults in my life. If the word trauma had been more mainstream perhaps these cries for help would not have been missed.
Another point to consider is that many trauma victims have learned to minimize their experience. They often don’t even identify what happened to them as traumatic. As humans, we learn to normalize our experiences and so what one may see as awful, another may see as normal. So if we create the narrative that the word trauma is being overused then this may reinforce the belief that what happened to a survivor was not really traumatic. This could foster a delay in reaching out for help or hinder trauma recovery.
Trauma is also an individual experience. Two people can live through the same event and one person can internalize it as a traumatic experience where another may not. This is evident when we consider PTSD. You can have trauma without developing PTSD but you can’t have PTSD without trauma. Gabor Mate says “ Every traumatic event is stressful, but not every stressful event is traumatic.” There are many factors to consider as to whether or not someone will develop PTSD such as their support system and the connections they have with others. Furthermore, trauma is not just what happened, but also what didn’t happen and what should have happened.
On the flip side, things that seem small and insignificant can wound people and be carried as trauma in the body. Children are very impressionable and if they feel that they are not loved or valued this can be damaging. If a parent, caregiver or educator says something hurtful, it can be a very heavy burden to carry. As Gabor Mate says, “There's such a lack of trauma awareness in the law, in medicine, in education, and parenting that no wonder we don't see it.”
We can cause wounds easily and our words and actions should be chosen carefully. We have no idea how they will be internalized by others. My brother died when I was very young, and as a result, my mother was very protective. I can recall her saying; “I have buried one child, I don’t want to bury another.” I internalized this as I can’t take risks and I always need to be safe so that I don’t die and cause more pain to my parents. Although I am sure my mom's words were not meant to wound me, they did. I carried a lot of fear and as a result, placed many limits on myself.
Trauma is complex and very personal. Who are we to determine what is traumatic for another person? We all see the world based on OUR lens and so each experience we encounter lands with all of that personal schema as a backdrop. In the words of Bessel Van Der Kolk “We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present.” The more we talk about trauma, the more awareness we create. Awareness is what leads to change, fosters healing and reduces the stigma. So I say talk about trauma, share your stories and the impact traumatic experiences have had on your lives and relationships. When we don't talk about what happened we cultivate shame. When we engage in conversation and define our traumatic experiences as such we cultivate compassion and a deeper understanding of how trauma changes how we engage with the world. With Gratitude,
Amy
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