Trauma Drive

Trauma Drive is a response to trauma in which you embrace a life of constant hustle and master the art of always being productive. There is a never-ending sense of urgency that you have to keep moving and get things done. You may feel impatient and frustrated that things are not happening as fast as they should. Your trauma drive is often powered by fear and comes from a place of hypervigilance. I adopted this response for many years. I would jolt awake at 4:30 am, hit the gym, race home, get the kids ready for school, speed to my job, work through lunch (because there was no time to stop), floor it home to make dinner and take off to get my kids to their activities. Later, I'd return home and desperately try to catch up on cleaning, laundry and household chores then finally collapse in bed. At which point I was usually unable to sleep because my mind was so full of all the things I still needed to do. Even though I was busy I was usually the first person to volunteer to coach or manage my children's sports teams. There is a saying, "If you want something done, ask a busy person." This is because they will get it done, they are always striving for more and productivity becomes an addiction. Some trauma survivors thrive by staying productive, and at the heart of the issue, there are usually two reasons. 1) Staying busy allows you to practice avoidance. This was definitely true in my case. I stayed so busy that I never had time to think. My days were so jam-packed that there was no time for reflection or awareness. This was a way for me to avoid addressing my trauma and also avoid healing. 2) The second reason is validation. When you are actively doing things all the time you are being productive. There is an underlying belief that your value is measured by your productivity. The busier you are, the more appreciated you feel and you attach your worth to tasks rather than who you are as a person. The issue with being stuck in Trauma Drive is that you are so busy being productive that there is no time to enjoy or deeply experience what is happening around you. Essentially you are never present in the moment because you are always thinking about what activity or project is coming up next. Healing is about slowing down and really feeling the emotions attached to the events in your life. Reducing your pace can feel very difficult at first and you may miss the thrill of the hustle. Understand that's ok, your body has become used to the chaos. But it was not serving you, my friend. Trauma drive leaves you feeling exhausted and disconnected. As you slow down you'll gradually begin to notice things you never did before. Perhaps you'll hear the birds chirping and stop to really listen. Or you'll have time to actively listen to your loved ones. Healing is about learning to embrace the calm and recognizing that you are worthy just as you are. Your worth is not determined by the things you do but rather by the person you are inside. Make an effort to notice something new this week. Subduing that drive takes time and new awareness, allow yourself to awaken that mindfulness. If you need assistance calming your trauma drive, please feel free to reach out to me.